Feeling Like a Fraud

That’s a feeling I have had off and on over the course of my ministry life. No, even before that … just as a young woman in the church. If I had to sum it up, I was never enough and always too much. And I was waiting for someone to expose me.

In the last two years, in a new position, in a new state, old fears of being exposed have cropped up. They are fears I thought I had overcome and put to rest. It’s not uncommon for me on any given weekend to proclaim the word of God while pondering what happens when the people listening realize that I’m not sure God knows what He’s doing letting me lead. For instance, I yelled at my kid as I left the house for church. I am just waiting to get home and pick up the argument me and my husband were having last night. And if I'm really honest, today of all days, the church is the last place I want to be.

If you are a word nerd like me. you love to trace the origin of a word and find out where it came from. What were a word’s ancestors? What were fraud’s forefathers?  

Deception and error.

Yep, that’s it. Deception and error. I hear so many messages of deception and error that tell me I am a fraud:

• Either I’m fooling everyone including myself or I’ve lied to myself and others.
• If that’s not it, then someone has made a gross mistake. 
• I don’t belong here. 
• I’m going to screw this up. 
• It’s just a matter of time before I am found out.

There’s a psychological term for feeling like a fraud. It’s called "imposter syndrome" and it turns out it’s a pretty common phenomenon. An estimated 70% of people experience these impostor feelings at some point in their lives. 

Apparently, women are particularly prone to imposter syndrome. In a Forbes interview in October 2020, corporate COO Laura Newiski discussed her firm’s 2020 report on women in leadership. They found “that 75% of executive women identified having experienced imposter syndrome at various points during their careers - and 85% believe it is commonly experienced by women across corporate America. Women can experience imposter syndrome in key moments of an existing role, or at specific milestones such as a career change or promotion. In fact, nearly 6 in 10 executive women told us that promotions or transitions to new roles were the times that they most experienced imposter syndrome.”

As a woman in ministry, I know that it isn’t just the corporate world where women struggle with imposter syndrome. I have spoken to many women preachers, teachers, and leaders who struggle with it. They wonder if they are good enough despite consistently doing their job and doing it well. This wondering so many of us do is like quicksand; it immobilizes us despite our best efforts to the contrary.  

 

2020 has been a particularly rough year because of the pandemic and a contentious election. No one knows what they are doing and everyone has multiple opinions. The lack of clarity combined with information overload has immobilized many leaders. Add feeling like a fraud to the mix and it all begins to feel like too much to manage.

 

But we must manage them because we have to lead. So how can we manage imposter syndrome while continuing to lead?  

Here are a few tips:

1. Be honest about what you are feeling. Share it with someone or a group of people that you trust. Sometimes just naming the feeling lessens the weight.
   
   
2. Assess your abilities and question your thoughts. Know what you are good at and know what you need to work on. When thoughts come, ask them questions: Why am I feeling this way? What am I worried about? Are they valid? Are they rational? What can I do? 
   
   
3. Allow yourself to fail and set realistic expectations of yourself. No one gets it right all the time. No one knows everything. Don’t aim for perfection; aim for progress.
   
   
4. Get good at remembering and telling stories. Remind yourself what God has done for you and through you. Read about the men and women of the Bible who failed but God used. Find books on men and women of history who overcame challenges without having it all together.
   
   
5. Be willing to be vulnerable. The people we lead are best served when we present our real selves as we are being transformed by the Spirit to look more and more like the image of Christ.

That last tip may be the most important of all.  

It reminds us we aren’t enough and that’s okay because Jesus is.

It reminds us we are enough just as we are because Jesus is.

It reminds us it was never about us; it’s about Him.  

And He is not an impostor; He is good.

Resources: 

Abrams, Abigail (2018, June 20) Yes, Impostor Syndrome Is Real. Here's How to Deal With It. Time. Retrieved December 2, 2020, from https://time.com/5312483/how-to-deal-with-impostor-syndrome/

Caprino, Kathy (2020, Oct 22) Impostor Syndrome Prevalence In Professional Women And How To Overcome It. Forbes. Retrieved December 2, 2020 from https://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2020/10/22/impostor-syndrome-prevalence-in-professional-women-face-and-how-to-overcome-it/?sh=4e06daf073cb

Cuncic, Arlin (2020, May 1) What is Imposter Syndrome. Very Well Mind. Retrieved December 2, 2020, from https://www.verywellmind.com/imposter-syndrome-and-social-anxiety-disorder-4156469

KPMG Study Finds 75% Of Female Executives Across Industries Have Experienced Imposter Syndrome In Their Careers.  (2020, Oct 17) KPMG Women's Leadership. https://womensleadership.kpmg.us/summit/kpmg-womens-leadership-report-2020.html

Pastor, Feel Like An Imposter? (2019, Sept 16) Divine Therapy, LLC. Retrieved December 2020 from https://www.divinetherapyar.com/b/pastor-feel-like-an-imposter

Scripture:

2 Corinthians 3:18